Let’s just say this isn’t the post I had scheduled for today…
I ran away from my family today.
I hate to admit that to you, but it’s true. And, I know that I can’t just share the good stuff with you. That maybe you need to know that I’m not just a series of pretty pictures containing happy children and ingenious crafts.
I’m aware that I have been accused (yes, accused) of presenting my life as perfect.
It’s true that I try my hardest to find the joy in everything. I try to remain positive even during the toughest of times. I try to encourage other women and lift them up.
But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt. Or get angry. Or sad. Or feel down right crazy.
It’s true that I don’t bad mouth my husband. That I’m quick to praise him and proclaim the beauty of our love and all that he is to me. But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t offend me. Or make me mad. Or let me down. Or annoy me.
Let’s face it– he is a man.
I try my best. But, I’m far from perfect. I’m just this woman who takes on a lot. Sometimes too much. And, who gets overwhelmed.
Today I had just had it. I felt spent. I felt like I had hit a wall. I felt like I couldn’t win. Like I do a whole lot– for a whole lot of nothing. Not true, I know. But sometimes it feels that way.
I literally left my family standing on our drive way.
And, I drove away.
That’s shameful for me. Especially because my neighbor saw me crying. Me. The woman who corrals five children like it’s a cake walk. The one who makes the neighbors wonder just how she does it all. They saw me crying!
I didn’t know at that moment where I was going but I knew that I had to remove myself from there. I ended up doing a little bit of shopping and getting a pedi-cure. I could hardly remember the last time I had a pedi-cure. So, it was nice. I exhaled. I regrouped. I prayed in my car. I desperately needed those couple of hours. Or else I might have ended up with a couple of days of staring at padded walls!
I came back and I made dinner for my family. And, I was okay. I even took my son to his football trophy ceremony, managed to engage in pleasant conversation and actually managed to have a good time.
But I’m learning that it’s okay to admit that sometimes I don’t feel like just smiling through it. That sometimes I feel tired, frustrated, haggard. That sometimes I feel like I simply cannot bear another moment of tending to children or caring for a husband. That sometimes I feel done!
And that’s okay.